yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
