3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
