there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
