Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
