its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
false alarm, still single
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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