you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
