what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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