A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
