Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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