I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
