3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
