xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
