My first STD was from a foam party
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
