Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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