Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
