yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
