Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
