Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
