i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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