Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
