I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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