I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
