The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
