you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Also, beer. Big fan.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
