doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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