You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
