no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
