no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
