If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
