Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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