I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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