I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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