Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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