I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
