drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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