Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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