just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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