OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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