I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
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