giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
