Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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