I just pynch a tree in the face
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
