Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
