Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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