Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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