Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
