what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
