Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
