OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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