he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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