I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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