Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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