I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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