I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
