When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
