i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
