My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Buhtt sex?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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